Honestly speaking I'm paying my debts for all the mistakes I made in my past.. One might never show it publicly... but it literally clench your heart so bad that you start to question your whole existence. I so so wish I never have had listened to anyone or never should have been pressurized to do what I didn't wanna do,.. where I was so sure I would never be happy with those choices... Well I was right! Ending happened as I had expected but much worse. Why is it so difficult to get past these taboos? I know why... but still I'm all stuck and still not out of it... What kind of world is this where more than your sentiments, papers are more important to value or nullify relationships.
you need a total stranger to listen to your life's crap and they are considered qualified to judge you..
you need a total stranger to listen to your life's crap and they are considered qualified to judge you..
How it is that people can cleverly betray and live their lives like nothing happened. no shame, no guilty conscience.. Just when I had thought I have seen it all... I was so stupidly making another mistake.. Like there is this pattern of doing things wrong... On most days I'm very optimistic but somehow I wanna ask myself am I just fooling myself again? Even if I'm way past my sufferings, am I really gonna live the life I always wanted? Will this world be any less crucifying than it was.. Will there be a time when I'll know whatever I did up until now was not just some emotional bullshit and something ensuring that there's something more to it.
Subconsciously I always feel this worst feeling.. but I convince myself its not the end yet.. and all those other odd days I feel like why would I even carry this blood sucking bullshit emotions and just let it end once and forever... I can only hope there is some well ending decided... coz it sure as hell feels like one..
