I'm disappointed*

         It must have happened zillion times.  We all have faced it.  To just neutralise our disappointment we have developed this rule of sorts that don't expect anything from anyone so you won't get hurt...  but in reality we are just trying to avoid the situation..  In my case,  and I hope I'm not alone,  my whole life is a big mountain of disappointments..  From others and myself too.  We want something to happen which never really comes in to reality then we have this wonderful gift to blame everything on everyone close to us or sometimes society... but will never accept that we feared to lose,  we are afraid of someone or the other to feel hurt or we are afraid of somebody's anger... 

        

         Be it relationships, be it career choices, and sadly in our society our life partners also....  From which toys to play with, which school to go to and how we should be represented in the society everything is done by us from the fear of provoking, hurting, disappointing someone..  Are we really that moronic??!! (I don't know if that's even the word  :P ) 
     
        Why can't we just be the way we wanna be,  earn or not earn the traditional way, do the things we wanna do??  Why does it always have to be concerning to parents or life partners or friends or society?  I thought we are evolved species and survival of the fittest and what not rubbish.. 
Is it just to learn in books and earn some few good scores and that's it...  Never follow any of the education in actual life.. 

        I feel like apes were much happier than human beings..  eat a banana and yay  we are the happiest laughing creatures...  And here we are billion years of evolution paSt by and still we can't even eat a bloody pizza without thinking about the calories,..  We can't buy a freaking car without thinking about the income tax and future plans...  We can't afford to give our children the hope to live their life they might choose in future without thinking about ten different problems that might happen!!!!!!! 

       

       I'm so glad I don't ever wanna live by any societal rituals...  When the time comes I'll find a way to survive but never by the fear of someone leaving me or hurting me...  or better yet to be disappointed!!!!! 

Killing it!

   What kills you is not what causes your heart to stop beating, it is what prevents you from living.
        

        I have always been very fascinated with death.  I used to ask questions to anyone whom I thought to have some answers, what exactly happens after you die..  Why people fear death so much?  Why people cry if they believe in heaven and hell? so on and so forth. To be honest I used fear death like everyone else but now a days I've come to make peace with it..  People who want to die, I understand why they wanna do it. Good lord, I've tried it myself... Fortunately or unfortunately I've read so much about afterlife, its almost the very illuminating thing I ever have known... I am not sure if that's gonna be true or not but it's satisfying to know some things about the journey after death.. 

        

        I absolutely love these interesting things, immorality, 100% brain activation and illuminating your chakras..  There's so much to learn in little long life..  There's so much to life than just earning money and saving it for a rainy day.  and die one day without having to spend it.  There are much more fascinating things to do than getting married and procreating..  Its not how one live and die... 
   
       I used to,  in fact I had planned my whole life when I finished my college.  Well, evidently nothing happened that way.  I again planned and planned, only to learn you won't live if you may plan your life..  Your choices and decisions will create suitable plans and make you live that life until the time you change your choices again...  Cycle of life in life.  I am so sure everyone must have that imaginary life that they wish to live..  That's how this economy and world order works..
New things every new day..  In this chaos, I can only imagine if anyone actually remembers the purpose for which they were born.. Those extra ordinary things they wished they had learnt or known.. 
         If not this life maybe in the next one!