Little did you know..

     It's been a month now. And I think what they say about Mumbai teaching you to be humble is so true. I've started respecting mundane things more. I've realized even if you can afford a luxury, you might not afford the time!!! So traveling by Uber seems like a good idea than getting a car and worrying about parking and driving in peak hours after a hectic day in office!! Traveling by train and saving hours seems like a better idea than being on the road at 10 pm waiting to be home and get a good rest.

     Here, you can't differentiate much between people who live in big luxurious apartments and who live in smaller ones. As the talent they have matters here. The way they portray and speak fluently with such affection, that really amuses me. You just need to be focused and have a plan none the less. How you want to achieve the life you wish to live in a longer run. You need to follow it meticulously.

      At first it does seem odd because you aren't used to struggling so much just to reach home and work place. But it's an experience. You start to value the roof over your head, food your mother cooks for you everyday, that half an hour nap means the world!! Getting time to watch your favorite TV show becomes luxury!

     It took me a little time to get this fixated in my mind. I'm achieving it though. I try to catch a train in odd hours just to get a hang of it. I don't say no to street food because I'm Mumbai the best food ever you'll get on street side. Having said that, Mumbai is really the best place in India. Without a doubt. You learn about life so much which nobody can teach you and make you understand. This city will change the way you live life. Metaphorically and literally also.
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Let's see how it goes.☺

The Reason Why,

            Whenever I meet someone new or a stranger perhaps , the usual conversation starts with how have I been doing, what do I do, where do I work and all those small talks I'd rather not bore you with it folks. Well after we both are done lying about how we really are (not okay!) I am forced to tell the truth that I watch TV series most of time when I'm not reading or just sitting quietly thinking nothing at all. Absorbing the beautiful rainy weather this monsoon. I can't fake my life you see. Recently I have been enlightened about my own truth about my nature or my life per se. I am no longer dependent on somebody else for my happiness. This is what I have been reading from all those great philosophers all this time!  I literally don't feel the need to call or text anyone or reply for that matter. No person should be forced to do anything he/she doesn't want to do. Be it being social, staying alone enjoying some good reads or focusing on the path they want to take on next. I think in this glorious social media era we are living in now a days has more loners and forlorn people than ever before seen in the history. Why do we feel the need to show what we are not? To impress whom?!

           Whatever life I have lived till now, it is quiet clear to me whatever we try to show off on social sites, the happy pictures, not so real thoughts, that is so not what are meant to do. I am often being told by friends that they have stopped using such sites because they would rather not see anything than checking out everybody's  wedding pictures, baby showers, brand show offs! This is what happens when you are reaching your 30's . 'The Transition Phase' as some call it, from 27 years onward you start to realize the life we have had imagined to live isn't exactly turning out the way we had planned. The fairy tale love you grew up watching in the movies, believing that it would happen to you too. You would be a millionaire doing things you are passionate about and live happily ever after with the love of your life! Isn't it wonderful to read! No wonder movies are still earning crores with the same story. Anyhow in reality 'love' will happen to you many a times. You will be heartbroken more times you can count. You will have to start earning even if the work you ought to do isn't what you want to do for rest of your life. You will have to compromise every step of the way.
It is cruel almost I know! It is only after you have gone through this some of us will have the courage to break the cycle of this by default charade and go on taking risks and creating the path of their own. NO, it doesn't happen overnight. It won't. Few are the lucky ones I agree. But you have to have the courage to break the monotony.

      I am still searching my own path , I can only hope and wish you do that too.

Fear not old prophecies. We defy them. We make our own heaven and our own hell!

Social innuendo

       It was the first time ever she lived alone, away from her parents. New town, new people, rather a fresh start if she had the courage to see it that way.

       All her life she lived the way what everyone else thought was good for her and now away from them she didn't know what to do with her life. What was she meant to do?

        She was beautiful! But nobody had told her that. She was intelligent, had the potential to conquer anything she put her mind to but nobody told her how to be brave enough to take risks. She trusted every word everyone said to her because the innocence in her heart never doubted their crooked intentions.

         First time out in the world alone, she was frightened. Will she find someone to accompany her, she kept wondering. Searching for that confidante of hers.

        Years passed by. Each year some of that innocence was mortified. Day by day, she encountered all the principles they teach you to live by, are in fact how people take advantage of you. People did what they are meant to do. Lie, abuse, be  selfish but somehow she kept the faith in goodness of people. Somehow she still believed in the power of the truth.

        It was a series of lessons she learned that made her the woman she has become. Every lie she was told made her believe that speaking the truth takes real courage. Every time she was deceived, she learned how valuable it is to be loyal and honest. Every single moment her heart was broken, she realized how pure and blissful it is to love someone unconditionally and not everyone is capable of that. 

     It became pertinent  to her that finding a confidante wasn't the solution.  Becoming your own one was! After all we must of our life we think to ourselves, we plan, decide, sometimes regret. All this is when we are alone. Isn't it important then that we become the person we would want to listen to?  That was the solution. That was the purpose of it all.

In the end, destiny is nothing but the choices we make. And hopefully she chose well!

     

Unsavorily impediments...

   Trust me when I say that  I've really got a lot of time on my hands to think of every darn thing about everything... And these days I'm trying to find out what is it really for which I'm here? Am I suppose to just do all the mundane tasks the people , the society or the government expects me to do? Or am I expected to contribute something for the greater good and all the big things the bourgeois love to talk about.. Isn't it suppose to be my choice, my decision to do what I feel like doing? Of course within the laws of nature and mankind... But shouldn't everyone have that individual freedom to go on a part which is not bound by typical roads to successful life built by previous generations? Be it the institution of marriage, education, corporations...

        Our ancestors have fought all their lives for the freedom .. Be it the freedom from monarchy , colonialism, slavery.. I think they mustn't have thought about the freedom that holds more value... People always are fond of blaming the failures on the person next to them.. Why aren't you successful as the western countries? Because we were ruled by others.. We didn't have freedom to do what we wanted to do... For me, it's not the freedom you get by begging someone to give it to us... Or even fighting to get it... Isn't it the thing we feel when we breath and no longer feel we are obligated to someone's approval for your doings . I believe that's when you are truly free ..
When you no longer feel someone daunting you do something you never wanna do. .. And moreover when you don't accuse someone else for making you do things .. "My parents made me do it, I had to take that job, I had to stay in loveless marriage" .. NO .  .. Absolutely NO.. You can not accuse anyone for the stupidity you do.  Take risks, take all the chances you get . .. Try to live your life as the way you were dreaming it to be.. More than anything else... More than having your own villa or own car, own island... My dear your own self has to free to do all that and more . .. I don't think people who kill themselves are cowards.. I think they just don't find what they truly want our suppose to do in this life .. I think nobody senses their loneliness or the help they need... And ending the aimless journey seems like doing the right thing...
It's difficult to understand your own mind than any complicated book you would have ever read..  I'm trying to find what is it that I have to do... I hope I don't give up before it's too soon!

Stuck in the moment..

       After ages I've been this distorted.  Moving ahead or staying back.. To give yourself a chance to relive or to give a chance to others.. Whom could I possibly ask what to do?!
Being the most decisive person for a long time, it's so annoying not knowing which thing is in my best interest. 

        Do people in our life make things difficult or the fickle mind of yours?!  I think the fear of regretting makes it harder to be decisive.
And to move forward, leaving the part of your life behind, is not so easy.  Was this our destiny? Is that the way it was suppose to be?
Is it the intended end?  No matter how many people advise you, no matter how many times you recall the trail of events to be sure, nothing seems to satisfy the need to get to a point where you could either be positive or negative about something. 

         If only there was a book written to tell us what to do.  😐  After almost 26 years living this forsaken life, I know what is right and wrong but seems like that is not enough.. There's still so much to learn. There might be something more worse waiting to happen.  Or there might be , at last something good waiting to happen.  We wouldn't know it ,unless we take a step ahead to the unknown.

Trail of evolution

         Just yesterday I was wondering if i had to change or go somewhere anywhere I  wanted .. Well i would definitely go to some snowy region and never come back but would i change something in my life if given a chance?  For a moment i felt i could undo some major mistakes in my life ..Maybe then I would have had lived a better life.. 
           I would have never lived in a godforsaken century old hostel ,where there were no ceiling fans, food with little cockroaches,  crying for 5 frigging months and not going to one of the finest colleges in the country..  Would that have changed how my life is shaped up now?  Maybe,... But then i wouldn't have had developed such a affection to cultural diversity which i encountered in my hostel...  People around the globe... Some leaving their families and friends behind...  Still always excited to meet new friends, new lifestyle..  Doing your own chores..  Sneaking around and whispering on phone to talk to your closed ones coz cellphones were banned in the hostel. 😐
           It was never easy but it's not easy ever for anyone...  Your friends, sometimes strangers who become your best friends, they make it sound easier...  In a comparatively shorter span of time I've met so many kinds of people in my life...  Many i would rather never see again and a few i will cherish my whole life.. You don't have any control over the people who would come in life or not but everyone gives you a piece of mind, memories, meaning of life, love,....  Everyone will end up making you a better human being some way or the other...  You just need to be composed enough to understand their role in your journey.. 
           There would a time where everything we ever learned will go down the drain... It wouldn't make any sense why the things happened which you never anticipated...  Nothing will last forever... Only those who matter.. I'm learning again to let go.. Even though it kills me every single moment to have to wake up and move ahead..  It's the way of life..  You can never stop...  Those who couldn't realise your worth, or rather it wasn't meant for you in this lifetime...   It's time to relearn everything again...  A new meaning of life.. Hoping by the end of the time you finally find where your bliss is..  😇
     

To be or not to be!

          I absolutely believe everybody has a right to have an individual set of principles as to how they want to pursue their life..  I just was under the impression that people should also be compassionate,..  It's alright if you can't make a difference in anyone's life or anything...  I have had an immense luck to have met people who are so wonderful, have worked so hard to be where they are right now.. ; and bad luck to have encountered some douchebags who don't know why on earth they are even alive!!!!
I'm no saint, I've done my set of sins too but I evaluate myself every damn day if and when I've done wrong and try not to repeat the mistakes...  And I believe it doesn't matter how your parents raised you... I mean c'mon they didn't stretch you from few inches infant to 6 feet of a giant.  You grow naturally,  like that even your thought process, rules to live by should also change naturally..  It's okay to go wrong and make trouble choices, it's alright to get hurt or even to hurt someone but evaluate what kind of life you wanna live ahead. . And change!!!! 
          
            I have blamed all the world for the wrong things happened to me.  But at the end of the day i know i did wrong..  And tried to accept it and given myself a chance to change.. Nothing will give you a certainty if your life will be better or not.. Having faith in yourself can help..

           More than often I doubt myself, about my own happiness, if what I did was right or not..  It's the most difficult thing in the world to let go of the person whom you loved the most.. Rather than walking away standing still is the most hurtful thing you'd do to yourself... When your tears and self consoling is the only thing you keep doing until the time you run out of reasons to move on..  One day you have to have the courage to come or the damning state and walk ahead...  It will take you to those dark places you never knew existed but don't be a quitter..  When the time is right to quit,  it will happen without your permission till then live!

In the midst of all the chaos you shall find the peace you ever yearned for..  